Think of each one as a course. You both choose which you are willing to be graded on, and only the ones you both pick are ever asked about. Your overall grade is the average of those, and nothing else.
Nothing is graded without both of you agreeing to it
Choose yours
These cover the ground almost every relationship stands or falls on. Communication is free forever — including on the free plan.
Warmth, closeness and physical connection.
How openly and kindly you talk and listen.
How you handle it when you disagree.
Being genuinely known by each other.
Real, undistracted time together.
Everyday courtesy, regard and dignity.
Physical intimacy, desire and initiation.
Reliability and safety.
Not every couple needs every category. Parenting matters if you have children. Finances matter if money is a strain. Pick what is true for you.
Owning what you did, and putting it right.
Noticing and naming what the other does.
Thinking about how it lands on the other person.
Being held up when things are hard.
Handling extended family together.
Money, honesty and shared decisions.
Letting things end.
Enjoying each other.
Building toward the same thing.
Transparency and straight answers.
Carrying the daily load.
Whether you feel heard.
Raising children together.
Facing life as a team.
Becoming better, on purpose.
Being here, not on a screen.
Effort, delight and pursuit.
The pull between you — flirtation, anticipation and being wanted.
Looking after their own health, energy and wellbeing.
Shared beliefs and meaning.
Keeping shared space somewhere you can both relax.
Sexual intimacy, self-care and spiritual connection are marked sensitive. They are never on by default, they are never suggested during setup, and like everything else they need both of you to agree before a single question is asked.
They are here because for a lot of couples these are the conversations that never get started — and writing is easier than saying it out loud.
I tell you things I have never told anybody.
Each category earns its own grade, and those grades average into your Spouse GPA.
